I think i might be experiencing depression, although i do have the tendency to start diagnosing myself with every new disease im learning from my notes. Depression isnt one of them. I'm looking at myself and seeing myself turn into the people i've worked with over at the mental health association during my first semester. Pulling myself away from people, feeling sad all this time, inability to focus on what i'm supposed to do. I really have to start to buck up. By some miracle that i did manage to pass this coming semester 3 medical exam ( which i really hope to God some miracle could happen or someone would come and tell me something - give me some hope or something) i want to be a good doctor. I cant procrastinate any more.
I can continue reading about how to handle procrastination and how to stop depression, or even eat pills, which i know could help me. Just like caffeine, i could take them and be super awake, but no matter what i take or read about it, i know the most important thing that i need to accomplish is to breakthrough.
A lot people would turn to God. Seriously, it would be what i would do years back or even a year back and i wish i would now too. I just feel that i've lost touched with Him for so long. I lied about going to church even to my parents. The worst part being that now when i sin sometimes i dont even feel bad. I know thats going very far already.
But somehow i know that its all on my procrastination and my inability to care.. I need to get my life back on track, push myself to get going to do STUFF. anything productive and stop myself from letting my brain go on neutral. That's the key.
To God knows who whom actually did read this post... thank you? and hopefully the next time i would be able to post that i am changed and that im being productive.
dear friend,
hope that you will go through this stage soon. Try to be happy, talk to people about how you feel will help you feel less depressed. You are feeling uneasy as you are feeling a bit guilty. Don't forget God. No matter how hard is your schedule, try your best to pray to him. He is always there for you. You are having medical student syndrome. Don't worry, it is what most of us usually have. Try you best and enjoy life. Don't be too hard on yourself and stress yourself out. Take care!!