5days before the exam

Ok... It's finally here.. I'm not I'm still in med school next year but I guess in a way I did enjoy my experience.. It wasn't any moment but throughout this past one and the half years, I think I changed a lot. I never actually studied for anything hard and always I had past years to save me or something. This time I feel like I'm going in blind. Almost like the first year exams except that time it has less materials to ask from. Definitely I hope I pass.. But if not.. It was a good run. I've learned that some times it's really true about what they say.. Loving what you do.. Cause in medicine unless you're really disciplined.. You would really need to love medicine to actually commit to memorizing all the information and reading, listening and looking at all the medical materials and term day and night.. And sometimes when you speak, you find ur self using words people don't understand.. At least it was like that for me... But for now, all I think of is getting the exam over and seeing how it went. Then I can plan what to do.. Lol though on forethought after the exam I might cry and can't think of anything also. Haiz..

Why I wish I was overseas...

Hmmm.. Now as exam is drawing near... I kinda wish I was overseas... Not to have fun.. (though that thought keeps popping up) but somehow I think although everyone says they miss home when they are overseas. Some part of them do enjoy the experience of being in another country for education purposes. I want to feel like that.. Like I'm finally away from home and starting a new chapter of my life.. Really hope I can pass this exam.. Think if my new chapter has something to do with medicine it'll be even more awesome.

Nervous-ness

Alright.. Now as i get closer to my exams.. Im starting to get nervous. It's a double edged blade. It pumps me up but scares the crap out of me. :/ I know im not ready and the worst part is i dont know how to be ready.. Form 5 i didnt really care.. or at least tuition was good enough for me.. A levels.. I had past years to track my progress. Now in medicine, i feel so lost.. im sure there's something i dont know.. and its a lot. :(

But i guess i took this path and stuff. :'( Hope i get through this. Just pass. :/

First time posting with an iPad..

Well this is just to try out blogging with an iPad.. Can't really find a good free app for blogger.. The only one is for an iPhone and it looks crappy when used on an ipad.. :,( hope blogger develop an awesome app for blogging with an iPad soon.. And for free too. :p

Side bar... Trying to study with light snacks.. I don't usually like oats but this biscuits aren't bad. :)

Life experiences - Diving

I was going to complain or bitch again.. or emo.. but then i thought hey.. why not just use some time and see what have i done with my life so far.. well one of the best experiences i have to say was diving..

I took my diving classes in a diving centre and in redang. It was awesome. A song that comes in mind when i reminisce is "A whole new world", yes.. a disney song. But its literally like that. It doesnt feel like dropping into water and praying sharks dont eat you ( mind you, i was hoping to see some sharks during my dives but i didnt manage to) but it feels like entering a world where you can float and its really relaxing. No longer any worries, just swimming and hovering around, looking at beautiful clorals and fishes... I WISH I AM ON A DIVING TRIP NOW!

Well actually this is already my profile pic

The corals in redang is beautiful, wish i have a nice shot but i dont have it anymore 

( more motivation to go again)

Image from a video clip where we tried to take a group picture but got into each other's way. 

We were new ok.. hovering still a little clumsy

I tried to choose pics without other people's face in case they dont want it on the web.. but this is the darkest already :P Three of the people getting the diving license on the same trip.

well i did a mistake with my harddrive and lost a lot of photos.. whatever i manage to salvage wasnt very good. but up there's some of it..

It was really fun.. and i really hope everyone could experience it at least once in their lives..

Awesome song

Current Life Status

Well, its 4 am in the morning so i think i can add insomnia to my list of "bad stuff happening to me". 

I think i might be experiencing depression, although i do have the tendency to start diagnosing myself with every new disease im learning from my notes. Depression isnt one of them. I'm looking at myself and seeing myself turn into the people i've worked with over at the mental health association during my first semester. Pulling myself away from people, feeling sad all this time, inability to focus on what i'm supposed to do. I really have to start to buck up. By some miracle that i did manage to pass this coming semester 3 medical exam ( which i really hope to God some miracle could happen or someone would come and tell me something - give me some hope or something) i want to be a good doctor. I cant procrastinate any more.

I can continue reading about how to handle procrastination and how to stop depression, or even eat pills, which i know could help me. Just like caffeine, i could take them and be super awake, but no matter what i take or read about it, i know the most important thing that i need to accomplish is to breakthrough. 

A lot people would turn to God. Seriously, it would be what i would do years back or even a year back and i wish i would now too. I just feel that i've lost touched with Him for so long. I lied about going to church even to my parents. The worst part being that now when i sin sometimes i dont even feel bad. I know thats going very far already. 

But somehow i know that its all on my procrastination and my inability to care.. I need to get my life back on track, push myself to get going to do STUFF. anything productive and stop myself from letting my brain go on neutral. That's the key. 

To God knows who whom actually did read this post... thank you? and hopefully the next time i would be able to post that i am changed and that im being productive.