The further the distance, the higher the number of messages.

So.. we have this whatsapp group, and the weird thing is the three of us in the group are all in different time zones. One Germany, One US and me in malaysia. We chat a lot, keeping in touch all the time and even though its different time zones, somehow we still keep contact. And then my friend was coming back home. I was happy, would see him more often. but the thing is...



Yeah, i see him, we talk and joke. But now his messages stop in the group chat. Literally dropped. I know I'm not really used or anything but i feel like.. "when you're overseas, is it because you needed company so u message us? and now u're home with other friends too, friends who did not bother to keep in touch with you, and you dont even bother to message us anymore?"

The shorter the actual distance we have, the longer the friendship distance.. if it make any sense.

Truthfully, am i hurt? Not really. But its something to think about. Do we "use" our friends sometimes? I love a song "Thats what friends are for - dionne warwick". Friends will always be there to help you but dont take them for granted.

Yeah.. if you feel down, this song will help. :P it does for me.



Actually I'm not sure whether unconsciously, i might have offended people or made my friends feel bad. Maybe i should ask them one day. "hey if there's something you could change in me.. what would it be..?" alright im going to ask that question. LOL let's see what they say.

But for me, some of the things that could really cheer me up is
1) Just drop a random message (seriously, any random crap would show that you want to talk)
2) Sharing some stories of themselves

Those two are simple things that when i reread them, i went yeah.. everyone knows that. But we dont. at least i dont. I might always feel hmm.. maybe its too random, or we're not close enough to pull off random crap! maybe it will be weird, LOL or sometimes, sharing is difficult. To share is to be vulnerable. And of course, being people, we hate being vulnerable. :/

Starting 3rd year med school soon :)

Today i finished my second year medical school exam. Not sure about you, but i think it sounds cool. :P WOOHOO! second year done.

I remember my first semester, i knew crap. I mean i learnt about stuff but its different from what i expected. I was imagining myself running around, intense moments following doctor around, telling me how to save a patient, what to do in a cardiac failure, what to inject when patient is having a coma. Instead i was reading about cellular structures, and then some calculations stuff about epidemiology. Now looking back, i know its important but at that time, it just "didnt fit into what i expected" and i didnt put in much effort. Its stupid but it happened.

If i could give my fresh med student self an advice, I would tell him "dude, look at other med stuff, u dont like this? then read up about the pathology, the anatomy, stuff that interest you, cause everything and i mean EVERYTHING will help you in medicine, every aspect of it. Extra reading is something that will not only help, it is required in studying medicine." I passed through all the exams barely, but this is me, a person who spent hours watching shows, and watching them twice or thrice. And i made it through. Im not saying its easy. Its not. It was hell, i always studied just before the exam, and i tell you the truth, if u do that in med school, it will be torture.

You will feel uncertainty, anxiety, and just plain worry. I kept asking myself
"what if i open the paper and i dont even understand the question?"
"did i study everything?"
"is what im reading even coming out for the exam?"
"Im gonna fail in that exam"
"i might as well plan what to do after i fail."

I mentioned i watched a lot of shows right? That includes Grey's anatomy (of course), House ( who wouldnt) and Scrubs (awesome show!). I watched it in my first year. Just before i started med school. i was clueless about what they were talking about and everytime a term like cysticercosis came up and i was studying it i would go WOOHOO! i know that!

Now today, when i just finished my second year, i watched season 2 of grey's anatomy, i saw the show was talking about a pregnant patient who had placenta tearing and i thought of "oh crap, emergency, gotta prepare for DIC) and then another, a baby with IRDS ( infant respiratory distress syndrome) i thought of surfactant and respiratory failure. It was small stuff, but it was kinda a proud moment for me.. I knew something. SOMETHING. im always saying two years in med school and i know nothing. I think thats not true. I do know SOMETHING. Its the confidence, as a med student, need to gain the confidence by reading or watching or something.. just need to constantly prep ourselves and be ready for when we finally finish med school. :P

But what do i know... im only just finishing second year. LOL

Having two kidneys..

Pathologic Basis of Disease (8th Edition) - page 906
"The functional reserve of kidney is large, and much damage may occur before there is evident functional impairment. For these reasons the early signs and symptoms are particularly important clinically."

I believe in God, and for me, when people tell me that the kidney is one of the most important organs because everything and i mean EVERYTHING depend on the kidney to clean their dirt, I have to thank God that he gave us two each. But i guess nothing is every good enough for us, right? He gave us kidneys to clean our blood, and the compensatory mechanism is enough to cover up the damage.. If a third of our kidneys are destroyed, the kidneys can still work at optimum range, because they can cover for us. (well if we lose one kidney, the other will work up to 75%.. so based on that logic, if a third of both our kidneys spoil, we would still have a 100% right? )

My point is.. I think in life, He gave us mechanisms to help ourselves even if we do wrong, and even if some parts our lives are destroyed, we would still have a good life, but if we destroy everything that is good and pleasing in the eyes of the Lord, then we would really feel the consequence. So before it is too late and we reach the "end stage kidney disease", we should try to change and preserve whatever good that is still working and hope to do better..

I know some parts might seem as if im reading into things, but i dont think i can go on in life, see people depressed, people with congenital diseases( in born diseases), people who eat healthy and exercise getting ill, and still be positive if i dont have this silver lining.

So before anything bad, i need to muse.. muse about all the "signs and symptoms" in my life and change them before its too late and the compensatory mechanism or the functional reserve can no longer sustain life.

My Everest..

Summative 4 is on Friday, its an exam for the fourth semester of my med school, thing is.. im too relaxed for it. I tell myself not to care.. cause i have to have a greater goal. Its too late for me to read all the semester 4 notes. I should learn and discipline myself so that from now on, i would have a good timetable, study schedule and that i would be able to score in my final exam.. well not exactly. In the USMLE.. cause i want to go to the US to continue my education.

Is that a wayward thinking? :/

Somehow now i want to finish reading this book. Med students in IMU calls it papa patho. Its really thick. Seriously.. Its basically an encyclopedia. :( But truthfully, now it is getting interesting. Thank God. Im still moving very slowly but it seems to be getting better. Hopefully what i read will be retained. Haha. Thats the whole point right?

Hmm alright.. i"ll try this.. Every week i'll post something about what i read. the most interesting thing in the book that i read. :P hopefully it will help memorizing it.. :/

Should write about my med school experience. then at least i can look back at the blog and laugh about everything that happened in med school. Not too late to start anyway.. med school is 5 years long. I'm only in my second year.. Im not even halfway. And then if by God's grace i graduate, there's internship, residency, fellowships and then at last.. becoming a consultant. Hopefully with this long journey, I would grow somewhat. haha.

bucolic = relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life