Getting through life in this world

If I pass..

2012-01-02T02:15:00.001-08:00

If I pass... I would go for every class.. Even those I don't need to. #promise. Lol

5days before the exam

2011-12-28T11:06:00.001-08:00

Ok... It's finally here.. I'm not I'm still in med school next year but I guess in a way I did enjoy my experience.. It wasn't any moment but throughout this past one and the half years, I think I changed a lot. I never actually studied for anything hard and always I had past years to save me or something. This time I feel like I'm going in blind. Almost like the first year exams except that time it has less materials to ask from. Definitely I hope I pass.. But if not.. It was a good run. I've learned that some times it's really true about what they say.. Loving what you do.. Cause in medicine unless you're really disciplined.. You would really need to love medicine to actually commit to memorizing all the information and reading, listening and looking at all the medical materials and term day and night.. And sometimes when you speak, you find ur self using words people don't understand.. At least it was like that for me... But for now, all I think of is getting the exam over and seeing how it went. Then I can plan what to do.. Lol though on forethought after the exam I might cry and can't think of anything also. Haiz..

Why I wish I was overseas...

2011-12-27T08:42:00.001-08:00

Hmmm.. Now as exam is drawing near... I kinda wish I was overseas... Not to have fun.. (though that thought keeps popping up) but somehow I think although everyone says they miss home when they are overseas. Some part of them do enjoy the experience of being in another country for education purposes. I want to feel like that.. Like I'm finally away from home and starting a new chapter of my life.. Really hope I can pass this exam.. Think if my new chapter has something to do with medicine it'll be even more awesome.

Nervous-ness

2011-12-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

Alright.. Now as i get closer to my exams.. Im starting to get nervous. It's a double edged blade. It pumps me up but scares the crap out of me. :/ I know im not ready and the worst part is i dont know how to be ready.. Form 5 i didnt really care.. or at least tuition was good enough for me.. A levels.. I had past years to track my progress. Now in medicine, i feel so lost.. im sure there's something i dont know.. and its a lot. :(

But i guess i took this path and stuff. :'( Hope i get through this. Just pass. :/

First time posting with an iPad..

2011-12-16T12:01:00.001-08:00

Well this is just to try out blogging with an iPad.. Can't really find a good free app for blogger.. The only one is for an iPhone and it looks crappy when used on an ipad.. :,( hope blogger develop an awesome app for blogging with an iPad soon.. And for free too. :p

Side bar... Trying to study with light snacks.. I don't usually like oats but this biscuits aren't bad. :)

Life experiences - Diving

2011-12-10T09:26:00.001-08:00

I was going to complain or bitch again.. or emo.. but then i thought hey.. why not just use some time and see what have i done with my life so far.. well one of the best experiences i have to say was diving..

I took my diving classes in a diving centre and in redang. It was awesome. A song that comes in mind when i reminisce is "A whole new world", yes.. a disney song. But its literally like that. It doesnt feel like dropping into water and praying sharks dont eat you ( mind you, i was hoping to see some sharks during my dives but i didnt manage to) but it feels like entering a world where you can float and its really relaxing. No longer any worries, just swimming and hovering around, looking at beautiful clorals and fishes... I WISH I AM ON A DIVING TRIP NOW!

Well actually this is already my profile pic

The corals in redang is beautiful, wish i have a nice shot but i dont have it anymore

( more motivation to go again)

Image from a video clip where we tried to take a group picture but got into each other's way.

We were new ok.. hovering still a little clumsy

I tried to choose pics without other people's face in case they dont want it on the web.. but this is the darkest already :P Three of the people getting the diving license on the same trip.

well i did a mistake with my harddrive and lost a lot of photos.. whatever i manage to salvage wasnt very good. but up there's some of it..

It was really fun.. and i really hope everyone could experience it at least once in their lives..

Awesome song

2011-12-10T09:19:00.001-08:00

Current Life Status

2011-12-08T12:05:00.001-08:00

Well, its 4 am in the morning so i think i can add insomnia to my list of "bad stuff happening to me".

I think i might be experiencing depression, although i do have the tendency to start diagnosing myself with every new disease im learning from my notes. Depression isnt one of them. I'm looking at myself and seeing myself turn into the people i've worked with over at the mental health association during my first semester. Pulling myself away from people, feeling sad all this time, inability to focus on what i'm supposed to do. I really have to start to buck up. By some miracle that i did manage to pass this coming semester 3 medical exam ( which i really hope to God some miracle could happen or someone would come and tell me something - give me some hope or something) i want to be a good doctor. I cant procrastinate any more.

I can continue reading about how to handle procrastination and how to stop depression, or even eat pills, which i know could help me. Just like caffeine, i could take them and be super awake, but no matter what i take or read about it, i know the most important thing that i need to accomplish is to breakthrough.

A lot people would turn to God. Seriously, it would be what i would do years back or even a year back and i wish i would now too. I just feel that i've lost touched with Him for so long. I lied about going to church even to my parents. The worst part being that now when i sin sometimes i dont even feel bad. I know thats going very far already.

But somehow i know that its all on my procrastination and my inability to care.. I need to get my life back on track, push myself to get going to do STUFF. anything productive and stop myself from letting my brain go on neutral. That's the key.

To God knows who whom actually did read this post... thank you? and hopefully the next time i would be able to post that i am changed and that im being productive.

Update on life..

2011-10-20T10:19:00.001-07:00

whoa.. i cant seem to finish reading.. so much.. wish i dont need rest..

Update complete.. (thats my life now..)

Relatives

2011-09-25T08:32:00.001-07:00

Well today I was just waiting for House, MD to be downloaded and I got curious cause I've been thinking of whether I have long lost relatives... Maybe a grand uncle or something.. And I googled aw... Nothing.. Except something about tiger balm... I felt a little sad after that.. I didn't think I would have a long lost relative that's super rich but having nothing at all just made me feel lonely..

Like somehow theres no one out there connected to me., which makes me feel perhaps I need a legacy.. Not so show off or anything but something to pass down so that generations later can say " hey! There was this cool ancestor who left behind this for us! "

That would be awesome. :D

Wheeee!!!

Location:Lorong 11/4f,Petaling Jaya,Malaysia

It's over

2011-09-10T11:16:00.001-07:00

Well.. Time to update.
Exams are finally over., for now. I have to say I didn't do well. Badly in fact. And I'm not kidding. :/

On the other side of things.. Nope. Nothing. Tonight is definitely not a good night to blog. Emo moments.. Have u ever had a moment where u see two friends talking but they stop when you approach them? If u were ever one of the those two people who would stop talking when a friend ( or at least if u consider the person a friend)... Ok. This is confusing.

A and B talks. C comes to them and suddenly A and B stops.

If u are people like A and B, and if u care about C, please. Do one of two things.
1) continue talking.
2) go find somewhere quiet and don't let C see you.
Or well 3) don't befriend C

Cause I've been C and it sucks. It might seem small for some people but it means a lot to me. It shows either you dont trust me, or you don't take me as a friend. Cause from now on, I can tell you. A and B, I no longer consider them as friends. Friends trust each other. At least I believe friends trust each other.

Well on the bright side, im feeling better. I know it's weird I blog and rarely tell anyone about it.. But in a way I feel less unhappy when I type it out here.
Wheeee!!!

Location:Jalan Dato Mahmud 11/4,Petaling Jaya,Malaysia

Trying to pick the right one.

2011-09-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

Currently, im loving this song. seriously. LOL not because the video is showing a lot of pretty girls. Haha, thats good too but the song is so true. There's a lot of pretty girls and i think everyone is just trying to find the right one.

When your parents learn to use the kitchen

2011-09-02T04:21:00.001-07:00

It's been some time since my parents decided that they would try to utilize the kitchen. And now.. They started playing ' masak - masak '. I get to eat home cooked food every alternate days and I'm thankful for that. God knows how long I have till I might have to survive on outside food when I go overseas. Haha. But now I am their lab rat. Testing out "new" dishes that they created. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes it's not. Lol

Hopefully I'll survive.

On the other side of things. Today I started reading. Hopefully it'll help for the test. ;(

Wheeee!!!

Location:Lorong 11/4f,Petaling Jaya,Malaysia

Short Visit

2011-08-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well... Back for a moment..

This post is going to be a rant...

Just done with something called problem based learning.. (PBL) took me a while to remember what the heck is PBL.. keep using pbl until i forgot. Anyway... it wasnt exhausting.. but recently.. i just feel moody..

When i first made this blog.. I put alone and lonely. Emo.. getting through life in this world.. and all that.. But you never truly learn what it means to be alone and lonely when you are part of a group "supposedly" and yet you feel like an outsider. That's what lonely is. Its better if you're not even part of the group. Then at least you know you're not.

Listening to What are words by chris medina and im just.. haiz.. there's loyal people and there's just.. people.. How often would be able to find loyal friends? not often.. so appreciate those who are. Even loyal friends.. some you just cant click or u dont feel like clicking. Its plain exhausting. Finding people who you can get close to and are loyal. They are harder to find than gold or silver, diamond or ruby..

When one finds loyal friends,

Precious time with them he spends,

And when the day finally ends,

He knows with them he never pretends.

How precious are those friends to him,

When they are not with him its like a phantom limb,

Hurts as hell and tears fills his eye's to the brim,

His mood and face shows nothing beyond grim.

Neither diamonds, rubies, gold nor silver,

Could bring him more joy than being together,

Longing for loyal friends burn like high fever,

That he could be with loyal people forever.

On the bright side.. At least i did do my work now.. instead of going to PBL and act smart.. LOL

CV

2011-06-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

This is the first time i wrote a CV.. i dont even know if i got it correct or not... But hey.. First time then got to post up here la.. :P

Personal Statement

I’m a medical student starting his second year. Generally, an average student who would not be able to resist joining the student body or anything similar. I would say currently I have a goal in trying to twin to the United States and hoping to gain any help I could get to achieve it.

Education

International Medical University (2010 – current), Bachelor in Medicine, Bachelor in Surgery

Taylor’s University College (2009-2010), Cambridge A Levels, 2A* 2A 1a

SMK USJ 12, Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia, 8A1 2A2 2B3

SMK USJ 12, Penilaian Menengah Rendah, 6A 1B

SK Seafield, Ujian Pencapaian Sekolah Rendah, 5A

Experience

Volunteer (2009), Medical Trip to Cambodia, assisting doctors on medical trip, provide medical support for village without medical attention, medical support in prison,

Intern (2010), Malaysian Mental Health Association, provide assistance to rehab officers, teaching clients on writing skills, planning entertainment and activities.

Part time Staff (2011), Powerista Technologies, assisting exhibition and providing information to visitors, exhibitor for new products

Post held

Assistant Head Prefect, SMK USJ 12, in charge of Logistics department and PA department, assisting head prefect in delegation of duties

Captain, Sports House, SMK USJ 12, delegating and finding members for competitions, handling participants from house during Sports Days and training

Vice President, Recreation and Rebotics Club, SMK USJ 12, assisting the president, brainstorming ideas for club activities

Secretary, Cadet Police, SMK USJ 12, leading marches, in charge of writing reports for meetings, minutes for meetings, assisting teachers during club functions

International Relations Director, Rotaract Club, Taylor’s University College, building rapport among clubs from different districts and countries, assisting in club activities, managing event such as seminars

Key Achievements

2^nd Runner Up, Taylor’s National Accounting Competition (2008)

5 ‘A’s , Top Achievers Award, Cambridge A Levels, Taylor’s University College

School Representative, Petaling District 2008, Chess competition, SMK USJ 12

Certified First Aider

Certified PADI diver.

Interest

Really enjoy reading novels and fictions, watching comedies and catching a movie in the cinema with friends.

(i cut off the top part with all my personal information but yes.. i included it in my CV, got that part right. )

50 first dates

2011-06-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

i rewatch this today with close friends and it was nice. touching to be more exact.

half way through my friend asked.. can someone really be like that and he wasnt asking about the losing their short term memory.. he was asking if someone can really stick on to a person even though they would forget them..

i thought of course la.. love is strong.. then again.. no la.. its just a show.. adam sandler wouldnt have developed those feelings so strongly with meeting only one day..

but later i began to think.. its a decision.. he didnt fall for her hopelessly. but he made the decision that he loves her and he stayed. it wasnt hopelessly in love, but strongly in love. binding cause he wants to be near her. :S

i wonder if one day i would ever be like that.. ;p

John 15 (he wouldnt give you up)

2011-06-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit,"

I am not a christian who is fruitful.. Strike that. I think im fruitless. :(

Whenever i read this i usually will go crap.. im dead.. oh well.. since im going to be dying then might as well enjoy myself and be happy right? Don't waste my time being sad.

But yesterday, when a pastor was preaching and i was falling asleep, he shared this.. the words 'cuts off' in Greek = airo which means :

to raise up, elevate, lift up
1. to raise from the ground, take up: stones
2. to raise upwards, elevate, lift up: the hand
3. to draw up: a fish
to take upon one's self and carry what has been raised up, to bear
to bear away what has been raised, carry off

to move from its place
to take off or away what is attached to anything
to remove
to carry off, carry away with one
to appropriate what is taken
to take away from another what is his or what is committed to him, to take by force
to take and apply to any use
to take from among the living, either by a natural death, or by violence
cause to cease

You see.. the first meaning is not to cut off or throw away but to lift up, apparently gardeners do not just cut off the branches if they dont bear fruit.. They are way too precious, every branch.. but they would lift all these branches who dont bear fruit, clean them and tie them to make sure they get enough sunlight and nurture them back so they would be fruitful again.. patiently waiting for them.

I was really touched by that. That God didn't want any of us to die.. or be thrown away.. as the gardener he's still willing to lift us up and wait.. nurturing us.. every hoping we would be fruitful...

QR codes.

2011-06-21T00:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone there??

2011-06-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

I just found out a friend read this blog. =.= came back after a long time.

THAT was awkward. not the 'long time never chat' but the 'someone reading my crap' awkward.

This so called "blog" is all about emo-ing and posting crap up. I'm going for a change i think. Seriously going to use this blog and post up stuff about myself and life's experience. Maybe it'll serve as an online diary, journal or scrapbook..

Yeah i know.. era of blogging is over and all.. but hey.. i'm a slow learner. LOL

Rm 300 and counting...

2011-06-20T05:49:00.000-07:00

First rm 300 i've earned. :D

Of things to lose...

2011-06-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure no one reads this again. so its safe to type whatever i want.. :S

Crap.. Lost a friend's belonging.. I've never been much of a responsible person i guess but i have never lost anything not belonging to me.. and now.. i lost notes belonging to someone important to me. Shit. =.=

Of all the times to lose something and of all the things to lose.

Damn. Not a good week.

Bad guy

2011-06-19T03:03:00.000-07:00

My friend of 13 years didnt tag me when he thinks of friends,

The girl I like don't tell me why she is sad,

A friend who i take as my sister would forget me after her crush responds to her,

I realised most of my text conversations end with me texting them instead of the other way round.

I must really be an asshole.

Is it me?

2011-06-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well when conversation goes blank who's fault is it? I think its mine.. Its sad.. i cant keep up a good enough or interesting conversation. haha. pathetic. That's all i have for now..

In the darkness...

2011-06-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

no.. im not having an emo session right now. haha not like usual i guess but literally in the dark. lights in the room are not switched on. I feel tired but i dont feel like sleeping.. sometimes i wonder if there's something wrong with my internal clock already...

On the bright side! Weehee! Earned my first three hundred ringgit today. :D I think i just might put a pic of it on this blog. not now but definitely soon. haha. if not it'll be gone. :P

Tomorrow's going be a long day.. Its an outing to midvalley and I'm still not asleep and I'm tired. When i sleep.. difficult to wake up.. :( Guess i'll go sleep de.. night world.

Wavering

2011-06-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

Yes.. I had a game plan. but I'm beginning to lose focus.. Though i just came back from a trip from kuantan, my eyes are tired, a headache is starting.. argh!

Some things i've made up m mind but now.. i'm not so sure.. am i ready to do this? oO

Well on the bright side, there's been progress on studies. That's a start. Feel like going out.. It's been a week almost. haha.

I'm watching this show.. Where a guy comforted a girl he used to like, and he makes sure he tells the girl he loves now about it, making sure she knows. She asks him.. " why are you telling me this?" hmm.. I think a guy would want a girl he loves to know everything about him and what he's doing right? What if she finds out the wrong way? What if she doesnt like it? @.@

Anyway.. besides the romance.. again.. bored.. i want to go out. :((( hmm.. dialing now.. :P

Uncertainty

2011-06-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Life is full of uncertainties. Everybody knows that, but we don't realise it all the time. Most of the time, (at least me) we just live life enjoying not worrying about what the hells' going on tomorrow. Of course there will be moments that hits you in the face.. Like what the hecks' going to happen to me? Now this is one of those moments.

From now to Dec 2012 = IMU medical course

Onwards? *Blank*

I was always debating between taking the USMLE, or going to canada. Not really the UK.

But now a university I was aiming for left the partner program. I cant twin to Memorial anymore.

I've also heard from a senior that the cost to go to Jefferson in the United States would go up to about 700 thousand ringgit. Oo No way am i going there.

So now I'll have to look at Aberdeen and Dundee. The two most wanted uni in between my batchmates. Great.. Although I know sometimes in life.. well most, you have to compete with others to get what you want but I've always tried to keep myself away from competing with other people.. expect this one time in April where I ran for elections against some guy who pisses everyone off and still wins and a girl who now i kinda wish i didnt run against but am glad i did cause if not i wouldnt have gotten the chance to meet her.

Well all I know now is life's going to be different. No matter what happens, after this holiday I must change. For better or worse.. the life i've been living would not work for what i will have to face.

Happenings of the Day

I went for a scholarship interview today.. I wasnt sure what to expect but it didnt meet my expectations.. If that made sense.. Went KLCC super early in the morning and none of the shops were opened. They would only open at 10am. I was told during the interview the most I would get is RM 20 k if they award me the scholarship. It is a lot, don't get me wrong but its less than what i would need to make sure my parents have the money for my brother to go to any university he wants. Yes... he says he doesn't want to go to Ivy leagues or anything but I don't want to have to take that option away from him

My parents gave me a talk about money and tuition cost but it was now.. when i tried to apply for scholarship that it really hit me.. how much can my parents really afford? They dont want to tell me but i doubt it would be much.. :S

On the bright side.. watched She's the Man. Thats funny. really brighten up my day. And of course whatsapp too. :D

Game plan

2011-06-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well

Game plan

1) get all the notes of sem 3 (DONE)

2) start guitar classes.

3) Make my work out schedule.

4) Revise my sem 2 stuff

haha, one done.. guess thats 25%? its the easiest one in the list but hey, one step at a time right? :P

In uni today.. only a few people here and yet its noisy in the PBL rooms. Dunno what the heck people next door trying to do. But cant blame them la.. I'm not studying also. Busy typing this message. Not really disturbing anything important.

I realised something today.. I say a lot of things but never make them happen. I must stop this habit. =.=

Got an interview for Maxis scholarship on Thursday.. Its only the first round so nothing much la.. But i wonder is

a point to go. Probably wont get it.. Yes, negativity. but its the truth, not trying to be pessemistic. I guess its good too.. as an experience. ?.?

Bored...

2011-06-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

Go out a lot nowadays since its holidays.. but it is getting boring.. sometimes.. and this is one of the moments. :(

what does it mean? i get sick of school, studying but when holidays here.. i can get bored?? what do i want then? oO

Arrghh!!

Headache..

2011-05-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Well, now that i've locked this blog.. Here is to destress and stuff. I'm having a headache and i have no idea why. =.= not enough water? i think so... Was supposed to get a mask and clean my room but couldnt and didnt even think of doing it.

Parents was talking about having a game plan so that my holiday dont come to waste and as much as I dont like them telling me what to do... they are right.. I need a game plan and i need one pronto.

Game plan

1) get all the notes of sem 3

2) start guitar classes.

3) Make my work out schedule.

4) Revise my sem 2 stuff

5) this is not a joke. I'm serious.. get a system in place and im keeping this list short. I've made long list before and it never works. Short list and i hope to complete it. At least I know i done something then. :P

Crap

2011-05-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

There was a few moments when i felt maybe hmm.. i should change the title of this blog. Life's not that bad anymore. :D but today.. i've felt it. The feeling when i first started this blog. The need for me to write things here. I know a blog is supposed to share your feelings and such with people and not this. To write about your crap emo stuff and put it online. But i just feel better after..

Life sucks. People can give you all kind of motivational talks and quotes. I have to say I can give better quotes than most but in the end, :(. nothing. No quotes, no talks no nothing can help you if you're depressed. Only yourself. I thought maybe if you found someone special? Nope. I just found it more depressing. Maybe if you had friends to talk to about life? They can listen but then what? It still ends up the same. I cant do it much longer.

All my life, i've lived on miracles. Not major ones like ressurection but minor ones thats important to my life. Now i think its time to face to music. And it sucks.

I thought I found someone special to talk to. I thought we connected on every level. But no.. In the end, it was a fantasy. It was imaginary. And the truth hurts. Not THE TRUTH. but the truth but maybe there isnt any romantic crap like those on tv. people just need the idea to survive their lives. And although i can accept that. It just sucks.

I've had enough. No more day dreaming. No more fantasies. No more.

Day 10

2011-05-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

One confession

I debated on what to confess about? Deepest darkest secret? Person i like?

I think i'm going to say the truth..

I have seriously no idea what to do in life.. I told a lot people about what i want to do, my plans.. how i want to live life, but truthfully when i think about it.. there's no enthusiasm and its all going along with the motion. I sincerely have no idea what i'm going to do and it kinda scares me. :(

Day 9

2011-05-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

Two aspirations.

1) Being someone who do not procrastinate

-most people might laugh at this but for me, the most serious problem i have is procrastinating. Always leaving things not done and waiting till the deadline...

2) Becoming someone who would not worry about money and able to do volunteer work

-well its not about being so rich i dont have to work, but by having a job that can cover those periods of time i would be able to spend a month off to go maybe cambodia for a mission trip..

Day 8

2011-04-22T09:25:00.001-07:00

Three turn ons

i think this post would be the weirdest.. most weird.. ah.. i'm not going for perfect grammar. I'll go with weirdest.

1) Having long hair

-i think girls with short hair are a little tomboy? Girls should have long hair. Makes them more feminine

2) Willing to get dirty.

-no i'm not talking about being extra horny. I mean literally dirty. Girls who dont mind walking in the mud or run around instead of being picky about everything even the need to walk only on carpeted floors.

3) Loves wearing a skirt

- long hair.. skirt.. well mostly a feminine girl but not of the sissy kind.. :P

Day 7

2011-04-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

Four turn offs...

1) Wearing clothing that exposes too much of yourself

-seriously.. if you are wearing clothes that aren't going to cover much, then there's no point in wearing anything.

-i wouldn't start calling anyone like that a slut.. but i would feel that way.

2) Girls that are too touchy.

-if we haven't got anything going on and you're already touchy then i'm not sure if its anything special next time when we're close.

3) Being snobby

-If you're going to act like you're better than anyone else, fine. You're too good for me. I would not like you or even think about it.

4) Wearing thick make up all the time

-although i would find a girl pretty with make up, i would not want to be with a girl who needs to hide herself behind powder and artificial colours.

Day 6

2011-04-15T00:44:00.001-07:00

5 things i can't live without

1) As i mentioned above, my laptop.

-everything is in here...

2) Air cond

-yes.. its a luxury, but in malaysia some of the days are just HOT, as in malaysia's been put into an oven

3) Underwear

-maybe i'm trained but I would feel very weird without underwear.. boxers feel a little weird too

4) Water

-this is not only because to survive, but somehow i love drinking plain water.. it actually taste sweet to me..

5) Friends

-thsi is cheesy again.. but hey! i love cheese :P (ok lame..) but everyone needs support. so do i. :D

Day 5

2011-04-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

6 things i'm afraid of.. i think this would be the most difficult. I'm afraid of a lot of things..

1) People having problems with me.

-i guess i really hate working with people with attitude problems and i'm afraid others would think that way of me. :P

2) Losing my family

- i lost my grandfather when i was standard 4, and i couldn't imagine losing any one else.

3) Failing my exams

-this sounds nerdy but now i'm getting afraid. Before this i've never really put in effort in everything i do, and i want to change that. Hope its not too late.

4) Making someone angry

-ok.. this is serious, the idea that someone's angry at you.. is bad. Of course if its mutual, i dont really care. but when the anger pass.. it doesnt feel so good. :(

5) Losing my laptop

-everything including my diary, my shows, my songs, EVERYTHING is in my laptop. If its gone... THE HORROR

6) Not being able to watch HIMYM ( how i met your mother)

-i cant wait to see the mother!!!! If the show stops now.. :'(

Day 4

2011-04-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

7 things that crosses my mind a lot

1) Would I ever be able to come back to the Lord and be a good christian?

2) Why can't I become more hardworking but only write about the need to put in more effort?

3) How life would be if my parents were really rich? yes.. money minded i know..

4) Friendships should last no matter what happens.. How?

5) How can people be so inconsiderate some times? Do I seem like that to others? I hope not..

6) Why can't I just open my mouth and speak whatever I want? It just clams shut some times.

7) Food. It crosses my mind all the time.

Day 3

2011-04-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

1) Reply my messages quick whatever messages it may be

-shows that u're interested in talking to me...

-don;t keep me waiting..

2) Smile when you see me

-cause that will melt my heart. really

3) Saying good night

-sometimes if we chat until late night, or stop halfway through, and you would wish me good night and sweet dreams.. it shows that even before you sleep, you would think of me.

4) Laughing when i tease you and teasing back

-then it will be really fun to talk to you.

5) Calling me sweet when i do something for you

-a lot of girls will call guys sweet though so i'm not very sure but i really like it when a girl i like calls me sweet.

6) Quiet and shy around new people

-haha this might mean the girls really introvert but i guess i'm like that so i would like to find a girl who's the same.

7) Remembering stuff about me

-it shows you care whenever i talk

8) This last one might be weird but liking How i Met your Mother

-its my favourite show and when a girl quotes from it, i feel an instant connection for some reason..

Day 2

2011-04-11T22:00:00.001-07:00

Nine things about myself

1) Generally a shy guy who feels uncomfortable around new people, unless mixing with a bunch of friends and new people.. :P

2) Someone who wonders a lot of weird stuff... =.=

3) Never been in any relationship before.. I have no idea to be proud or sad of that fact.. i think sad. LOL

4) I wouldn't read blogs if i'm not interested. Wouldn't really go blog hopping..

5) I would only love to watch the tv when a comedy is on and my whole family watches and laughs along.. otherwise its just sad and boring.

6) Truthfully very indecisive, so sometimes people can't bear with me.

7) Although this might be a little gay, but I like the prospect of romance. Being truly in love with one and only one person with the other loving you back. I would want to have only been with one person and marrying her.

8) I have no idea how to dress, I do not shop for clothing. Only when necessary. I wear whatever thats on top of my closet.

9) I LOVE DIVING.

Day 1

2011-04-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

The first challenge..

1) I am really glad you are always there for me, every time i come to you with troubles I always go off learning something new :D

2) I wish i could be a better friend to you, for all the times we call each other best friends, i know less of you than anyone else. :( sometimes i just find that really sad..

3) Maybe you really could be a better person if i weren't here, i just hope you would change and become more awesome than me.

4) I don't think I ever hated anyone but if i was asked, you would be the closest. I still couldn't believe some of the things you had done, i mean why?? Why did you do it? Did we hurt you that badly? Do you hate us that much?

5) I wish we didnt grow up.. then we could spend all our time at the court playing basketball all over again...

6) I hope I didnt hurt you or anything.. You were the closest person not in my family that i would actually say I loved.

7) You taught me something about people who don't know how to draw boundaries.. and that closeness dont = feelings. Please don't assume other people can get close to just anyone..

8) Please.. Learn to bath or at least use deodorants.

9) I have no idea are you being a sincere friend or just cause it's convenient to you, (not necessary one person) but please.. this is not my idea of friendships.. Friends care when their friends dont attend uni, when they dont join them for activities, and definitely when they sound sad. Not ignoring them...

10) I have wronged you again and again and yet you forgave me, please give me the strength not to wrong you again..

10 Day challenge..

2011-04-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Saw this on someone's blog the other day. I found it really interesting and since i'm bored now.. why not? hahahaha

Day one: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. (dont have to specify who they are)

Day two: Nine things about yourself

Day three: Eight ways to win your heart

Day four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

Day five: Six things you are afraid of

Day six: Five things you cant live without

Day seven: Four turn offs

Day eight: Three turn ons

Day nine: Two aspirations

Day ten: One confession

There goes opportunities...

2010-03-12T02:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life you really cant wait...

If i find out earlier about universities... i could have been better prepared..
If i really took time and think.. i could have applied for medicine...
If i thought of what to do.. i would have done it.. and not wait till now..
If..
Its all if's... and yet still here i'm sitting think bout if's...

Psalm 124

2010-03-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

We were not here when God is,
He made us, created us, gave us life,
Every cell, every breath of ours is His,
Evidence of His presence is rife.

What are we then to compare to?
Are we considered nothing in His eyes?
Servants, slaves, pets, playthings, perhaps even poo,
Yet He loved us and for us He cries.

We should look to Him as a creator and master
For isnt He the one who gives and takes?
We, however, only consider Him when it matter,
When we are desperate and when choices we have to make.

A master He is and yet a servant,
He tends to our every needs and whims,
When we sin and yet need no payment,
He gave us salvation and joy to the brim.

As I read Psalms 124,
All that is said we usually take for granted,
His spirit on us He has poured,
We should go to Him and let Him know He's always wanted.

Puppy love.. LOL

2009-10-30T08:25:00.001-07:00

Puppy love and all its complications,
when would u grow out of it?
how would u know the feeling is not damnation,
and joy would come out of this little bit.

It causes the heart to hurt so badly,
sometimes at this age i dont know is it puppy love,
my heart has taken it kinda roughly,
no longer moving as gentle as a dove,

I know i should forget all these,
and move on and be happy,
thoughts of her are such a tease,
all i can feel in my head is fuzzy.

This crap i can no longer take,
maybe i really need a break and rest,
perhaps something sweet like a piece of cake,
but rest will only bring thoughts of her to the best,

What am i to do...

Re:Friends

2009-10-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

I cant believe what i posted.. After re-reading it.. i felt like a loser... No.. friends sometimes might be ignorant of the fact that u're sad but thats only when u close ur heart and not allow them to see through it. If u hide ur feelings how will anyone know but God? Haiz.. i'll keep that post up to remember what a down moment i had and promise i'll never say that kind of stuff about friends ever again.. Friends have tried to cheer me up.. I dunno what i was doing when i posted that message.. -.-!

After a hard day's work during a charity event..
A class picture where everyone was suppose to wear red..

Our very first class picture... Bit small though.

Same day during the "red" moment. Chinese New Year

First time class went bowling..

Well this are mostly class pictures.. For this year.. friends i have met during 2009 and an unforgetable year of A levels and college...

My class mentor's birthday...

2009-10-23T09:32:00.000-07:00

this is the only gift we gave to her.. A video..

Friends

2009-10-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

Well..
When one laughs, everyone laughs with him.
When one cries, he cries alone..

I've heard it being said that true friends are those who are with you through tears and joy. Well.. for me, when i was happy, everyone laughed with me. But now when i'm sad.. There's no one. Are friends really like this? Or maybe people who i thought to be my friends aren't truly friends. Perhaps i dont have any friends. Perhaps i only thought that i had. Where are those i called friends? Where are they when i needed them? NO where.

In a lot of manga like the Law of Ueki and all those, they are always saying of how they want to protect their friends and then BOOM super power! Haha. Its a pile of bullshit. If its really true, even small little things like when they're sad we'll know.. Perhaps its true that sometimes we make friends because they are useful..

Haha.. god asked us to make disciples of all nations, not make friends of all nations. He didnt say love your friends, but love your neighbours. WHat then are friends? Are they people who will stay by your side no matter what? Will they really be there when you need them? I find that to be untrue.. I do admit i've seen many friendships that are strong and bonded together for many years or throughout their lifetimes. But for me, i've not found such a friend, Even my best friend (or at least i thought he was).

Well, maybe its just me. Maybe i'm just bad at making friends. Maybe its my character that caused all this pain. Whatever the cause, it hurts. Through this pain though, i've learned a lot. Dont depend on friends. Depend on yourself. It's easier and a journey that i can undertake.

10 months in college

2009-10-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

It's been ten months since i set foot in Taylors College.. Quite unbelieveable how i turn out.. I've changed a lot since then.. I wouldnt have believed how much i changed.. If ten months ago you told me what would happen to me now.. I probably would have laughed at you.. Haha.

Being in college can change a person.. To an extent that we can never guess.. Although i think some people wont change anything physically but mentally. Their thoughts and mindset.. I wonder could anyone not change when they enter college? Hmm..

Well, so far i take it that this change is good. I hope.. Although sometimes, by slowly changing i didnt really feel that i'm changing.. That i was always like this.. But looking back, i've done many things i never thought i would ever do, slowly turning to someone else..

Being 10 months in college, through this duration, i've gained a lot of experience, being in a class full of girls, i bet you will definitely learn a lot of things.. But still, i think i missed out a lot too, if i had more guys in my class. Haha.. Like go out and do "manly stuff" -.-! Yes, a classs full of girls did change me.. Not more girly i hope, but sometimes its frustrating, girls really do think differently. LOL i always have a perception that all girls would be alike, thinking and all. But through this ten months, OMG. Some girls would tell me they sms the person the have a crush on.. while some.. Haha... they told me how sad they are because the person dont sms them.. When i asked them why don't they sms him first? They told me girls cant sms the guy first! I wonder why...

Falling for a girl in a class full of girls when you're part of the class isnt fun too.. Its frustrating when whatever you do.. Other girls see it.. When you're in a class when its bout equal amount of guys and girls.. perhaps its easier to hide what you're doing.. LOL but i did learn something.. Dont ask too many girls for advice, it hurts.. -.-! Having too many different comments is really confusing. I cant believe the different comments given by them. ALL DIFFERENT. LOL

Oh yeah.. you need to be prepared if you are in a class full of girls... take care of your self esteem. Haha. Keep hearing o0 that guy is cute, no that guy! BUt they never say anything bout you :P LOL Though i only wanted to hear from one particular girl. LOL Oh.. and you'll keep hearing stories bout them crushing on other people. Haiz.. Yeah, its nice and all and they're treating you as someone they trust, but its always different. When they feel like it, they'll tell you. If not they'll just keep it in the dark. Then perhaps after a long period of time, you'll have to find out through other means. Sometimes its none of my business, but it hurts. I thought they took me as a friend they could trust. But they told me some parts and leave me out afterwards. Better that they just keep me in the dark. In that way, i would have put a wall around me early on. Why include me and leave me out afterwards? Haha.. feeling of jealousy now..

Well of course its not that bad in a class full of girls. Its fun, enjoyable and i would say this experience overall is great! I wouldnt have wanted to go to another class. Through this ten months of changing and gaining experience.. Overall, i would say its been great! Yes.. A good ten months.

Betrayed..

2009-05-04T06:20:00.001-07:00

What am i feeling right now?
Anger? Hurt? Pain?
No.. its betrayal.. I can't believe it. I believe i've been acting as a friend.
When he needed help i was there, but when i thought he would help, he left me.
He said, Let's do this together! We'll go and conquer places.
But when it came to decision time, he betrayed me.
I pulled him up but he left me down.
I thought he will help me, pull me along when i helped him.
But he did not. He just look and left me.. He betrayed me.
We can never be partners again.

Pendragon! Fav book..

2009-05-03T02:11:00.000-07:00

Haha.. Pendragon is my fav book series and the last book is coming out soon!!! Can't wait!! I gotta go buy myself one.. Quickly come!!!

Visit the official Pendragon website!

Secrets...

2009-04-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.. Secrets..
I wonder what are they?
They were taboo, untold things.. not spoken out loud..

Today in my class, 2 friends were fighting.. the whole class mood change after lunch.. I wonder what happened...
Went to ask A but he wont tell me.. Except.. Nothing.. Nothing happen..
Went to ask B but she also won't tell me.. Except.. Ask A la!
So who should i ask???

Even their closest friends dont wan to tell me.. They said they don't know.. Haiz..

This got me wondering.. Is this a secret? Its private but i thought our class were all friends? Why won't they tell us? All gloomy and stuff but still they won't tell us..

Is it a secret to be shared only to best friends? Should secrets be shared only to best friends? Could it not be shared with others too? We're in a class and its affecting the class too right? They should tell us....Shouldn't they???

Totally...

2009-04-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. Ok its settled.. I'm making a commitment of at least posting something here... Never intended on letting anyone see it.. But oh well.. It might be fun anyway..

3 Months in College

2009-04-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been three months since i wrote anything.. Dun know why i would write this but i guess its cause i dunno where else to say this..

After 3 months of college I've noticed something.. The behaviour of girls.. They are totally different from what i knew.. Everytime i thought i knew about them had to be deleted. It's not like they are aliens or anything.. But they way they communicate and react to something is different from guys.. Guys are an argument can make up and laugh about it but they cant. They will hate you till the rest of thier lifes...

Thank God i din make them angry but another girl did.. How could it be that we were so close.. I thought our class was very united and stuff but only after a few months conflict can be seen. Groups again came back with various people sticking with only certain groups and its not during lunch only.. Its every time.. They would not mix and started having fractions. The problem was really obvious when a girl made the class angry.. Everyone ignored her..

How come they could not make up? Could it be that I'm doing a bad job? That's why they are not united? Should more activities be done so that our bond could be stronger and therefore less conflict? But everyone is busy all the time.. We can't fit all and all can't fit us in.. If we can't get everyone together how would we bond? This is ridiculous.. It's holiday and i'm thinking what the hell is wrong with the class....? Maybe i should just forget it... Let it go on... At least that's the advice i got from a friend.. Just leave it and somehow the girls will be able to fix their own problem..

Maybe... Just Maybe...

26 people in one class,
we all thought this year is going to be a blast,
How would anyone have guessed?
that now it is all a freaking bloody mess.

Well its not totally terrible,
We still have fun and joke-able,
Thats a little something to go on by,
hope it will be enough to stop a girl cry.

I think something needs to be done,
Done and quickly too by this month,
We need get everyone together,
close like brothers and sisters.

Then maybe we wun fight,
Nor each other will we bite,
We will join together and study,
talk and share like close buddies.

College!

2009-02-01T04:14:00.000-08:00

Well, after going through three weeks of college life.. It's very different..
I wonder which joker said it was a lot of free time and less time in class...
I found it the total opposite!
I spent most of my time in class enjoying lecture...
haha..
No time at all.. all at college!
But its fun.. Thank god i got a good class with really fun and friendly classmates!
Enjoyed their presence and really help ease my tensions bout joining college..
Haha... the butterflies in my stomach was gone on day 1 of college!

(NO poems this time...)

A Little Confused....@_@

2008-12-25T20:42:00.000-08:00

I always thought that if we are stronger in our faith
shouldn't our knowledge increase?
i mean if we know god better, he'll tell us more and we should know more things right?

but sometimes i see some people that i think is strong in their faith but they dont know much
Sometimes i feel i know more than them.. is this proudness?
some people still seem to think that there's a period of no humans..
and dinosaurs ruled the world before?
is it true? then how would god's bible fit in?
it shouldn't... science should fit in god's bible..
We should see that shouldn't we? especially if strong in faith?
so why aren't some people seeing it? why do some strong ones still seem oblivious...
am i wrong?

Everyday i hear words from the podium,
I'm glad to say that i can hear those words spoken,
but how will it mix with what i learn bout sodium,
how will the bible fit in this world full of stories written.

Every textbook it's bout evolution,
not one speak bout what we call creation,
Faith of little ones are gone,
because many of us gave up and are done.

Even some high ones seem oblivious,
even though the answer is so obvious,
can mankind ever grow out of this curse?,
that we will at last no need of our nurse.

even after thousands of years we grew and grew,
maybe it's because many drink too much brew,
we're still acting as if only yesterday we were born,
that we must make our creator mourn.

enough....
...................................................................................................

Knowing a direction at last!

2008-12-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

well.. after a long time... thinking...
at last i know where i wan to go from here...
past week was a headache.. thinking where to go...???
should i join this or that?
go for this or do that?
but at least now i know.. i know where i must go.. which path i must take...
that at least what i must do from here...
it's tough but have to go through from here...

With a heavy heart i decided,
although a long time i waited,
at least now i'm no longer confused,
the enemy's bomb i have defused.

Many times attack me he did,
thank God and in Him i hid,
and none of it really hit and hurt,
cause my God pushed it away like dirt.

After the encouragement He gave,
Many challenges i can face,
Yes..my faith might not be very strong,
but it is enough to know what is right and wrong.

And definitely enough to know His plans,
His hopes for me is not as big as clans,
A little small for Him but big enough for me,
Any bigger and i'll be scared till i pee.

In strange ways He deliever His message,
And that's why life's become a funny passage,
Although it's only a short time for Him,
He made everyday seem fun and not dim.

Ok now i have to stop,
Any more i'll pop,
Ideas i have no more,
My brain nerves i tore.

Well that's it then for today...
No more time or anything else to say....
A little more i might get paid...
Then more i'll write until i'm dead,..

After exams...

2008-12-17T00:17:00.001-08:00

Well many days have passed since this is started..
and only second post..
exams are over but its definitely not relaxing..
even more things to be done before i was free??
got driving, camps, and many more.. just waiting to be done....
but camps are fun..
The church camp i went to was a blessing!
God is great.. He was really moving among us and just toouching our hearts..
it's been such a long time...
Can't wait till next year's camp...
But its tiring..
all these activitites.. just wan rest and play...

Exams are i over i shouted,
Little did i know the real work just started,
Even more things i have to do,
Now that my duty no need to attend to.

Just a while i wish i can rest,
Then i can play and run and just head west,
Go holiday or something just away,
Just a little time even for a day.

Of course its easier said than done,
For if its possible many would have gone,
Still its a dream and something i want,
hope is hope even if i cant.

First post

2008-11-26T00:03:00.000-08:00

Lol,

This is the first post i've ever made.

This blog isn't even for people to read..

Just for me to write whatever i wan!

(If you accidentally entered here, please leave)

Seeing friends around me writing blogs and all also made me feel like setting up a blog..

Though i have no idea what's the use of making one..

Today i just did..

Today is just a very sad day..

Although SPM is like few days from finishing, and hols coming..

All my plans are screwed up.. Friends cancelling plans for trips, even going to shopping malls uncertain,..

Dunno what am i going to do once hols start..